Last week was my mother’s funeral. She found out two months earlier that she had liver cancer, and the end came quickly. My mother was the strongest woman I know. Perhaps what she was most known for, at least by the public, was that she was the wife of Henry Blackaby, author of Experiencing God. But to those who knew her personally, she was far more than that.
More than 1,000 people attended her funeral. Many more watched it on livestream. Quite honestly, I was taken aback by the groundswell of love so many expressed for her. As I have reflected on it, I have come to several conclusions about my mother.
She enjoyed life to the fullest.
Mom knew that life was a gift. When she was five, she became gravely ill and went into a coma. Doctors concluded that she wouldn’t live. Yet she did. Years later after Mom gave birth to my sister, she began hemorrhaging. Doctors couldn’t stop the bleeding. Late one night, the doctors told my dad that Mom wouldn’t live to see the next day. She did. Mom understood that life was a gift, and she chose to live each day to the fullest. Life was not always easy. Dad led our family to move from Los Angeles to Saskatoon, Canada. The winters could be brutal. Dad was often gone. We had very little money. Yet even if it was just going on a picnic or a modest vacation or enjoying a family meal, Mom encouraged us to savor the moment and to make the most of it. As a teenager, sometimes I found that perspective annoying. Now I realize it was brilliant.
Mom loved to laugh.
If you knew Mom, you knew her laugh. Her laughter filled a room. One time when attending a wedding, she and Dad stayed at a local motel. Friends were coming over to meet up with them but didn’t know their room number. They decided just to walk the halls and listen for my mother’s laughter. Sure enough, they soon found her. She and Dad decided never to go to bed at night until they had laughed about something at least once during the day. As a result, I grew up in a home filled with laughter.
Mom chose adventure.
Mom loved new experiences, and she was game for anything. At 79 years old she chose to enter her first 5K with me. She later complained that I had slowed her down! She loved to travel with my dad and ultimately visited more than 100 countries. Not every adventure was of the Indiana Jones variety. But when mom was involved, it became an adventure!
Mom loved people.
Mom was the most extroverted person I have ever known. She genuinely loved people. It became legendary how Mom could go into a bathroom or a restaurant or an airplane and inevitably come out with a new friend in tow. I remember waiting with my dad outside a restroom in an airport for Mom. Sure enough, Mom eventually came out with a new friend. Mom explained that the woman was on her way to see her daughter and son-in-law. The son-in-law had just learned he had cancer, and the woman was distraught. There, in a busy airport thoroughfare, we prayed for the woman and her family. At Mom’s funeral, an African American woman told me how when she first visited our church, which at that time was predominantly Caucasian, Mom was the first person to befriend her. I suppose that is why so many people attended her funeral. They knew she genuinely cared about them.
Mom was an enthusiastic advocate for her kids and grandkids.
Mom would move mountains to help her family. I remember when the biggest bully in our neighborhood came to our house one day. The felon informed my mother that he was going to kill her son for insulting his sister. My mother immediately grabbed a broom and chased the would-be assassin all the way into the street. She could be a mother bear when it came to protecting her kids! On another occasion, my mom sensed I needed to join a local basketball team. The problem was that she never asked me if I wanted to play. She just signed me up. I was furious when she told me my first practice was that evening. I adamantly refused to go. She grabbed her trusty broom, chased meout the door, and told me not to come back until after basketball practice was over. I grew to love the game, and it eventually opened many doors for me in the ensuing years.
Mom had fourteen grandkids. She was proud of each one. She would call them and go to great lengths to be with them on special occasions. During the two months she battled cancer, all fourteen traveled from across the country and Canada to see her one last time.
Her grandkids spent the night with her at the hospital in her final weeks. My son, who lives in Canada, was the last grandchild to make it to see her. She died a few hours later. Knowing Mom, she would not have died until she got to see each of her grandchildren one last time. It was appropriate that her pall bearers were her grandsons. She loved them dearly.
Mom loved her Lord.
My mom’s faith was never complicated or sophisticated. Hers was a simple, practical trust in God. Most importantly, she practiced what she believed. Often when she heard her pastor exhort the congregation to do something, Mom would determine how she could put the preacher’s teaching into practice that very week. Mom believed in the power of prayer. Many people have shared how they had been unable to have a child. Then Mom prayed for them, and a baby was born nine months later. My daughter-in-law asked my mother to pray for her once she was ready to become a mother. Nine months later she had twins. None of my children asked her to pray for babies after that!
Mom loved my dad.
My mom loved my dad. She was his biggest fan (and he had many!). She traveled the world with him supporting him and his ministry. My dad is a great man of God, but none of his children believe he could ever have accomplished what he did had he not had Mom constantly supporting him along the way. As they grew older, Dad increasingly relied on her to care for his health and well-being. She was zealous in that endeavor! Mom modeled for us kids what unwavering love and support for a spouse looks like.
Mom was generous.
Mom and Dad were never wealthy, but they were big givers. They loved to give. They enjoyed supporting their church. If they knew one of their children or grandchildren needed something, Mom was always quick to provide it. Through the years, Mom jumped on numerous bandwagons. She believed in the value of homemade bread, so she got all her kids bread makers and wheat grinders. She got us oat grinders for oatmeal and vitamin drinks and Amish butter for our health. If she thought something would be helpful for someone, she would soon present it to the person. When I ran a seminary in Canada, we hit a difficult stretch financially. Mom was determined to send a financial gift to get us through. I finally had to ask her if she was donating away my inheritance! As she got older, she stated that she’d rather give her possessions away to people who needed them and would appreciate them while she was alive and able to see them enjoying it. If you complimented her on something she had, she was likely to ask if you wanted it. She was someone who clearly valued people over possessions.
It is going to take some time for me to adjust to living without Mom in my corner. I am going to miss those regular calls checking in on me to see if I needed more Amish butter or high-potency vitamins. I will miss her ready laugh. I will certainly miss her prayers. And I will miss having someone who fervently believed I could do anything and who genuinely took great pleasure in hearing of my successes.
My mother modeled for me what an ordinary person can do if you don’t take yourself too seriously and you genuinely believe that, with God, all things are possible. She showed me that possessions lose their importance as you get older, but your relationships only become more precious over time. People truly loved and appreciated her. Everyone had a story to tell about how she had left an impression on them. She lived her life well, and then she was gone.
