By Dr. Richard Blackaby
I recently spent a week at a friend’s townhouse by the beach in Florida. It was supposed to be a writing retreat, but I invited my kids and grandkids to come along. I envisioned watching them joyfully play on the beach while I sat on my upstairs balcony and cranked out profound thoughts.
I was at my post one afternoon when I heard a blood-curdling, ear-piercing scream from my three-year-old grandson Logan (on left). I leapt to my feet, assuming the little cherub had fallen down the stairs and was suffering excruciating pain. As I hurried toward the staircase, I heard the child’s parents both trying to console him. Slowing to listen, I learned that Logan had not fallen. He was suffering a far worse fate: his parents were changing his clothes. Everything had proceeded normally until they put on his Paw Patrol underwear. That’s when things got ugly. Logan wanted the picture of Marshall, the firefighter dog, on the front so he could seehim. His parents foolishly put Marshall at the back where the manufacturer suggested he should go. Logan wailed uncontrollably. Of course, as a pushover of a grandparent, I wondered why Logan was not allowed to wear his underwear any way he chose. (I would have let him wear it on his head if that made him happy!) I returned to my desk musing that preschoolers can be ridiculously uptight about the silliest things. I was so glad adults outgrow such foolishness . . .
Sam Andrews was a budding entrepreneur in the late 19thcentury. He found a partner and began developing a booming business. But he and his business partner had different visions for their company. Andrews wanted to cash in on the profits and live the high life. His partner insisted on rolling much of the profits back into the growing company. Andrews eventually grew weary of his partner’s domination. One day he exclaimed, “I wish I was out of this business!” His business partner, exasperated by this point, asked Andrews what price he wanted for his shares. “One million dollars,” he exclaimed. His partner readily agreed. The next day, Andrews, one million dollars in hand, boasted that he was the first person ever to get the better of his partner in a business deal. But his partner was John Rockefeller, and the company was Standard Oil. No one got the better of Rockefeller. He immediately sold Andrews’ shares for 1.3 million dollars to William Vanderbilt. Andrews built a gaudy 100-room mansion in Cleveland and spent the remainder of his life castigating Rockefeller. Had he held on to his shares, they would have been worth 900 million dollars by the 1930s. One commentator said, “This rash decision, motivated by pique and a bruised ego, kept him from becoming one of America’s richest men.”
At the beginning of the 20thcentury, Alex Malcolmsen, a businessman, invested in a start-up company. He oversaw the company’s finances while his partner managed production. A conflict ensued as the men pursued widely divergent views on how to run the company. Malcolmsen wanted to sell high-end products that generated a high profit margin. His partner, on the other hand, wanted to sell products cheaply but in mass numbers. Malcolmsen was so convinced his approach was better that he ultimately sold his shares in the company for $175,000 and started his own business. Freed from his dominating partner, Malcolmsen finally had control. But his business failed while his partner rose to spectacular heights. His partner was Henry Ford, and the company was the Ford Motor Company. Had Malcolmsen humbled himself and listened to Ford, his shares would have been worth hundreds of millions of dollars only ten years later.
The difference between people who become fabulously successful and those who don’t is not typically opportunity, intelligence, or technical skill. The difference between them is this: successful people identify the most important issues and focus on them relentlessly. Unsuccessful people become distracted by lesser matters and never achieve their potential.
This principle plays out not only in business or ministry but in life. I knew two women who had been friends for more than 50 years. They routinely celebrated holidays together. But their friendship nearly came to an acrimonious end because of a controversy over whose sweet potato casserole recipe was better. Seriously. Their 50-year friendship was endangered by a vegetable.
Luke 22:14-24 records a startling passage of Scripture:
14 When the hour came, He reclined at the table, and the apostles with Him.
15 Then He said to them, “I have fervently desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. 16 For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.”
17 Then He took a cup, and after giving thanks, He said, “Take this and share it among yourselves. 18 For I tell you, from now on I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.” 19 And He took bread, gave thanks, broke it, gave it to them, and said, “This is My body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of Me.”
20 In the same way He also took the cup after supper and said, “This cup is the new covenant [established by] My blood; it is shed for you. 21 But look, the hand of the one betraying Me is at the table with Me! 22 For the Son of Man will go away as it has been determined, but woe to that man by whom He is betrayed!” 23 So they began to argue among themselves which of them it could be who was going to do this thing.
24 Then a dispute also arose among them about who should be considered the greatest.
The way Jesus spent His last evening before being arrested and brutally murdered speaks to His priorities. He chose to share a meal with His dearest friends. Jesus established the Lord’s Supper as a perpetual reminder of what He considered to be important: forgiveness of sins, sacrifice, and obeying His Father’s will. Every time His followers partake of communion, we are reminded of Jesus’ priorities.
In stark contrast, the final verse in this passage reveals what mattered most to the disciples: Who would be the greatest? What did the organizational chart look like? Who would be in charge? Who would get the corner offices? Who would oversee the largest personnel and budget? The contrast between these two sets of priorities could not be greater! Jesus was preparing to die for the sins of all humanity. The disciples wanted to know which of them would have an office on the executive floor.
Humanity’s greatest temptation is to focus on insignificant issues and lose sight of what is important. Adam and Eve fellowshipped face to face with God, but Satan convinced them to obsess over a piece of fruit! King David had hundreds of wives and concubines, yet he diverted his attention to his friend’s wife. Judas walked with the Son of God, but he was captivated by thirty pieces of silver. Imagine what society would be like today if people always focused on what really mattered.
One Sunday several years ago I preached on a new book I had written called Putting a Face on Grace (aff link). At the close of the service, I learned a tragic story. A middle-aged couple was sitting in the congregation that day. They had one child, a daughter. She was the apple of their eye. When she announced that she was engaged, the parents were ecstatic! They only had one chance to organize a wedding, and they wanted it to be spectacular! They excitedly began to tell their daughter all their plans for the event. The mother had always wanted her daughter to be married in the dress she had worn. At a certain point, the daughter pushed back. She had her own plans for the wedding. The parents’ feelings were hurt, and they lashed out with unkind words. By the wedding day, the parents were barely talking to their daughter. They left soon after the wedding ceremony was over and stopped speaking to her altogether. The parents kept waiting for her to apologize for her ingratitude and thoughtlessness. She waited for her parents to come to their senses and realize how unreasonable they had been. A year later, the daughter had a baby girl, her parents’ only grandchild. But the parents never held their granddaughter because they were stubbornly holding out for their daughter to apologize. To make matters worse, both the parents and the daughter attended the same church. On the Sunday I preached, the daughter, her husband, and the baby were sitting just two rows in front of the parents. As I urged people to practice grace and forgiveness that morning, everyone who knew their story fervently prayed that God would open the parents’ eyes and show them the foolishness of their behavior. They were forfeiting a relationship with their only child and grandchild because of a twenty-five-year-old wedding dress! The service ended, and the parents grimly exited the auditorium. No dress is worth that.
I have worked with business executives who become fabulously wealthy through their business acumen. Nevertheless, they suffered multiple divorces and their children refused to speak to them. As these businesspeople neared the end of their successful careers, they realized they had focused too much on secondary matters while they had grievously neglected areas of life that mattered most.
At times, missed opportunities are not as immediately apparently. I remember returning from an international trip while I was the president of a seminary. I am OCD and cannot stand having unanswered messages in my inbox or unfinished paperwork on my desk. After two weeks abroad, I dreaded the stacks of papers that were waiting for me. As I hurriedly made my way to my office, I heard one of my staff talking. I sensed the Holy Spirit prompting me to check on her. But everything within me recoiled at the idea. I was desperate to get to my office and sort through paperwork. Detouring to check on the staff would delay my work. I determined that I would first go to my office and survey the correspondence on my desk and then do a walkabout to check on the staff who might need my attention. I was soon consumed with phone calls, meetings, and correspondence. I finally determined to walk about the office area and check on the staff after my lunch meeting. After returning from lunch, I stopped by my office to drop off my jacket. Standing by my administrative assistant’s desk was the staff person I had felt led to check on that morning. She was weeping. My assistant was praying with her. I instantly understood why God had impressed so strongly on me the need to check on her that morning. But I was too late. I quietly passed the desk and entered my tidy office. I sat at my clean desk and realized that I had missed a divine invitation. I valued a clean desk more than I treasured the opportunity to join God’s activity in my workplace.
If you want to revolutionize your leadership, ask yourself two questions: What important matters have I been neglecting? What secondary issues have been taking too much of my time? Seems easy enough, but so many people get it wrong.
Here are a few simple things you can do to get better at doing what matters most.
- Begin each day by seeking God’s heart and mind. Some people prefer to have their quiet times in the evening. But by that point the day is over! Better to talk with God first thing each morning so He can align your life with what matters most that day.
- Learn to recognize God’s still small voice throughout the day. When you arrive home exhausted from work and your 15-year-old son asks you to shoot baskets with him in the driveway, listen to the Spirit’s voice. He will let you know if it is more important for you to rest on the couch for thirty minutes or to strap on your sneakers and spend time with your son.
- Regularly evaluate the items on your schedule. Are you spending time with the people who matter most? Are you neglecting important matters because you are spending too much time on lesser concerns? Regularly weed your calendar of secondary commitments so you have plenty of time for the most important ones.
- Listen to yourself! If you keep apologizing for what you have failed to do or promising to do things you never finish, something is wrong! Adjust your life so you are no longer living with regrets.
You have no idea how much more fruitful, joyful, and powerful your life could be if you mastered this important issue. So, at this moment, what matters most in your life?
