I had an interesting experience today. I watched my grandson Logan test for his next belt in karate. I confess that I’m unfamiliar with oriental martial arts. The closest I’ve come to using them has been when getting food at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. But my son and daughter-in-law were offered a discount for the class, so they decided to see if their kids would enjoy it.
I’m certainly not an expert on karate-teaching methods, but I was impressed with my grandson’s class. Every student declares, “Hello, sir! Hello, ma’am!” as they enter the room. They pledge to better themselves and to be loyal friends. They enthusiastically cheer on and high five their fellow students. Furthermore, parents are encouraged to attend the testing events and to cheer not only for their own kids but for all the children.
I noticed something else during the class. Of the dozen or more children participating, only two were Caucasian. The rest were African American or Hispanic. What’s more, it made absolutely no difference. It has been said that my parents’ generation noticed differences in color and often acted in a racist manner. My generation (Boomers) noticed people of different color and made a conscious choice not to act in a racist manner. But my children’s and grandchildren’s generations don’t even notice that some people’s skin is a different color than theirs. I’m glad for that.
In Logan’s karate class, the parents cheered on all the children. When Logan rose to perform his required skills, it was apparent that I (one of the only Caucasian adults in the stands) was probably related to him. An African American mother sitting in front of us turned to my son and daughter-in-law and me and gave us a huge smile as she obviously took delight in watching Logan complete his test. There may have been many differences between us and that woman. We may have had different religious and political views. We might have approached social issues differently. We may have belonged to different social classes. It’s not hard to imagine that the list of our differences may have been longer than the list of our similarities.
Nevertheless, on that Saturday morning in that preschool karate class, we had something in common: a desire for our children and grandchildren to succeed and be encouraged.
Modern society tends to focus on what divides people. Apparently, anger is good for television ratings. It also makes for viral social media posts. Ben Sasse, in his book Them: Why We Hate Each Other—and How to Heal, suggests that America may never have been more polarized than it is today. He notes, “As reams of research show, we’re richer and better informed and more connected—and unhappier and more isolated and less fulfilled. There is a terrible mismatch here. We’re in crisis” (4). Sasse suggests that activities such as Little League used to unite much of America. But as many communal activities are declining, Americans have less and less that brings them together. He suggests that “These anti tribes aren’t succeeding at addressing our emptiness, and they’re poisoning our nation’s spirit in critical ways. But lacking meaningful attachments, people are finding a perverse bond in at least sharing a common enemy” (14). Sadly, the depression and suicide rates among young people are approaching epidemic proportions. In America in 2016, there were 45,000 suicides and 63,632 fatal drug overdoses (3). These numbers are alarming for the wealthiest nation in history.
Greg Lukian and Jonathan Haidt, in their book The Coddling of the American Mind, suggest that the younger generation has been taught that they are in constant danger and that they must be on their guard against aggressors. This paranoia is increasingly leading to a society that is polarized into opposing camps that are always suspicious and often offended by the other side.
Americans have increasingly less in common with each other. We watch different news channels, go to different places of worship, read different books, and live in different neighborhoods. Even sports, an arena that was once capable of uniting people to a common cause, is becoming increasingly divisive. Issues such as whether football players stand or kneel during the anthem, political correctness among players and owners, and even the analysis by sports commentators is adding to the cultural divide.
What’s the solution? First, we need to view people as individuals, not members of a group. Don’t immediately assume that because some people have a different skin color, practice a different religion, or vote for a different presidential candidate, they are your enemy. Recognize that you are all members of the same human race. They need love. They love their kids. They have hopes and dreams. Just like you.
Second, don’t take things personally. We are being deluged with news stories of people who became so angry at another race, religion, or political party that they resorted to violence. The fact is, someone voting for a different political party than I do is not going to ruin my life. And ruining my life is certainly not their intent. Our nation is quickly losing its ability to respectfully disagree. The media is not helping. Instead of simply reporting the news, today’s newscasters speculate on motive and intent. They demonize those with whom they disagree. Almost daily I hear people publicly charged with being Fascists or Nazis for holding an opposing opinion. These accusations are gross overstatements that do an injustice to history and to those being accused. We need to realize that people can genuinely hold opinions that are different than ours and still be decent human beings.
Third, we need to make efforts to get to know people who are not like us. Sasse cites the fact that only 7% of journalists identify as Republicans (87). Many of those reporting the news spend the majority of their time with Democrats and may know very few Republicans personally. If we demonize people who support opposing political parties, we will not spend time getting to know them. If we never talk with people who are different than us, we’ll never truly understand or appreciate them. We will only solidify our bias that they are evil people. But when you sit next to them in a karate class and cheer on their four-year-old son while he goofily runs the wrong way when he is called to the front, looks backward when he should look forward, and turns left when he is supposed to turn right, you won’t be able to help but chuckle along with other parents at how fun it is watching kids grow up and how special it is to be part of the human race along with other families on a Saturday morning.
