Fathers have a unique, God-given capacity to make an impression on their children. My dad has been gone for two Father’s Days now, yet his legacy continues to impact me deeply.
I cherish many special memories with him, including the time he took me to peruse a wonderful used bookstore. He taught me how to search for treasures buried deep within the stacks of books. I don’t recall him getting anything for himself, but I remember his delight in teaching me about authors whose books you had to seize whenever you found them. When I was a dad, I took my three children with me to used bookstores as well. Today, my children and I all have libraries and love books. I know we got that passion from my dad.
A second special memory is of rising early in the morning and finding my dad in his chair in the living room. Books, his Bible, his coffee mug, and his spiritual journal invariably surrounded him. Regardless of how early I woke up, Dad and God would already be well into their meeting. I don’t get up at 4:00 a.m. like he did, but I do enjoy rising early and savoring those quiet, peaceful early-morning moments.
A third memory is more painful. It is the look on his face and the tone of his voice when he was disappointed with me. That look of disappointment could shake me to my core, and I would go to great lengths to avoid experiencing it.
I am a first-born child with all of the stereotypical strengths and weaknesses typical of eldest children. Leadership comes easily for me. But I will readily confess that I have faced some of my greatest leadership challenges in my role as a dad. I suppose there are several reasons for that. For one, there is a lot at stake when parenting a child. Dads also lack many leadership props, like a CEO title or an org chart to back us up when confronting a struggling teenager. Though our staff might treat us with at least a modicum of respect, our children—who know us much better—may not.
As a result, dads often lack the support leaders in other fields typically enjoy. Perhaps that’s why many dads grow disheartened or walk away altogether. One of the greatest sociological challenges harming society today is the absence of dads in the home. The presence (or absence) of a father figure in a child’s life is a major factor in whether that child will grow up to be illiterate, a dropout, an addict, or a criminal. A father’s role is crucial!
I love Proverbs 4:10-12, which says, “Listen, my son. Accept my words and you will live many years. I am teaching you the way of wisdom; I am guiding you on straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hindered; when you run, you will not stumble.” The way we father our children will largely determine the path they take. My dad helped me appreciate books, and I have been an avid reader for decades. My dad modeled for me what it looks like to hunger after God, and I strive to do the same (sometimes even using my dad’s old devotional materials). My dad let me know he’d be disappointed if I did not grow up to be a godly man, and I’m so grateful he did.
Some dads model a passion for football, politics, or earning money, and their kids take that same path. Other dads show little interest in their children, and their kids go down paths of low self-worth, depression, and self-destruction. Many dads model a critical spirit, pride, or aggression, and their kids follow suit.
Fathers have the profound opportunity to pass on either a blessing or a curse to their children. With a little intentionality, dads can speak life, confidence, and hope into their children. A dad might never become the CEO of his company or accumulate vast wealth, but parenting children well is an enormous accomplishment. Setting them on good and godly paths for their life is a far greater success than rising to the top of an organizational chart.
What fathers need to realize is that we influence the paths our children take whether we intend to or not. Through neglect, we consign them to negative, harmful paths. With love and care, we can put them on track to accomplish amazing things. The question is not whether we will have an influence on our children. The question is what kind of influence it will be.
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