Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Leader: How Transforming your Inner Life will Deeply Transform your Church, Team, and the World (aff). Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2015. 328 pages.
Peter Scazzero is the founding pastor of New Life Fellowship Church in Queens, NY. He has ministered to that congregation for more than 28 years. He was the senior pastor before transitioning roles to found Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, a ministry that currently serves in 25 nations. His area of expertise is emotionally healthy spiritual leadership, and his book presents much of his teaching. I have a lot of thoughts about this book! First, it is definitely worth reading. Second, it focuses on a leader’s inner life, which is rare and makes it an even more important book for leaders to read. Third, it is built largely around the author’s life experience, which can be good and bad.
Scazzero grew up in a non-Christian, emotionally unhealthy home. As a result, even though he became a fervent Christian and a hard-working pastor, he had to overcome some unhealthy wiring he inherited from his family. I find some aspects of his perspective helpful. For one, Scazzero is candid about his shortcomings and their source. He also demonstrates how an unhealthy upbringing can deeply harm or even sabotage a seemingly effective ministry. Scazzero also provides helpful, practical answers that he learned from his own journey as he successfully worked through his issues, which I find much more helpful than when I read work by authors who can offer few tried and true answers.
My only concern, and it is more of a reflection on me than on the author, was about the tendencies of such books. When people emerge from their childhood with insecurity, an unhealthy need to please people, or a morbid concern that they will never measure up, they tend to write as if everyone wrestles with similar issues. Much of their writing and teaching focuses on how each person must face the dysfunction of their past if they are ever to enjoy a healthy adulthood. This message often resonates with readers who have their own baggage to overcome. But these books sometimes frustrate those who grew up in relatively healthy homes and do not struggle with the same issues. Of course, everyone has problems. No one is perfect. But when authors come out of a profoundly dysfunctional situation, it can be difficult for them to believe that not everyone has similar struggles. Having said that, Scazzero does a great job of examining some fundamental issues and spiritual habits that I believe are helpful to any reader.
Scazzero notes that he has undergone several “conversions” during his life (11). The first was from agnosticism to zealous Christian leadership (12). The second was from emotional blindness to emotional health (14). Scazzero’s wife announced she wanted to go to a different church than him, even though he was the pastor! He confesses to hitting “rock bottom” on January 2, 1996. He claims he was stunted emotionally and spiritually, despite having successfully planted a church. He notes that “Leading out of our brokenness and weakness became a core value.” The third conversion was from busy activity to slowed-down spirituality (17). He notes, “I worked less. God worked more” (18). He embraced monastic rhythms of solitude, silence, Scripture, meditation, and prayer. His fourth conversion was from skimming to integrity in leadership (18). He wrote this book after his fourth conversion.
Scazzero notes that “The emotionally unhealthy leader is someone who operates in a continuous state of emotional and spiritual deficit, lacking emotional maturity and a ‘being with God’ sufficient to sustain their ‘doing for God’” (25). He claims that “Emotional deficits are manifested primarily by a pervasive lack of awareness” (25).
Scazzero notes there are four characteristics of an emotionally unhealthy leader: 1) Low self-awareness; 2) They prioritize ministry over marriage or singleness; 3) They do more activity for God than their relationship with God can sustain; 4) They lack a work/Sabbath rhythm (27-32).
Scazzero also notes that such leaders follow some of the “Unhealthy Commandments”: 1) It’s not a success unless it’s bigger and better; 2) What you do is more important than who you are; 3) Superficial spirituality is okay; 4) Don’t rock the boat as long as the work gets done (35-41).
Scazzero notes, I believe correctly, that “. . . the first and most difficult task we face as leaders is to lead ourselves” (51). He argues that we must all deal with our “shadows.” He states, “What is a shadow? Your shadow is the accumulation of untamed emotions, less-than-pure motives, and thoughts that, while largely unconscious, strongly influence and shape your behaviors. It is the damaged but mostly hidden version of who you are” (55). He suggests that our Emotional Intelligence stems in part from our ability to recognize and manage our shadows. EQ accounts for 58% of performance in all types of jobs, so, by helping people handle their emotional baggage, leaders also enjoy greater job performance from their staff (61).
Scazzero shares how, by neglecting his shadow, “. . . my shadow undermined, over time, even the strengths and gifts I brought to my role as a leader” (63). Again, I agree that we all have baggage from our past. The degree to which it negatively affects us, however, varies widely. Some people grew up in wholesome, affirming homes. While such people are not perfect, they may not struggle with esteem issues or the need to measure up to other people’s expectations, etc. Scazzero notes, “Jesus may live in your heart, but grandpa lives in your bones” (72). I think there must be a balance. We can become so absorbed in the dysfunction our paternal grandfather passed down to us that we neglect the wholesome effect Christians in our life have had through the years as well. While we need to recognize dysfunction for what it is, we should not neglect the powerful effect the active presence of the Holy Spirit can have in our lives today.
I was challenged by what Scazzero wrote about marriage and singleness. He charges that, for married leaders, their marriage is their first ambition and loudest Gospel message (92, 97). I would argue that a deepening walk with Christ is our foremost ambition, but at a human level, marriage is key. He makes some good statements to singles as well. Little has been written for single leaders, and especially single church leaders. To singles, he states, “My word to singles is: Don’t live like you’re waiting. Live the most fulfilled, joyful life you can now” (104). He also states: “Self care is never a selfish act” (107).
Scazzero gives important advice to married leaders. Certainly, leaders can be tempted to neglect their marriage in their frenetic efforts to serve God. But Scazzero sees the degree to which we care for our marriage as a key aspect of our ministry and leadership to others. In addition, we lead best out of a healthy, rewarding, fulfilling marriage relationship.
Scazzero has much to say about slowing down and syncing ourselves with the rhythms of God. He states, “Bearing fruit requires slowing down enough to give Jesus direct access to every aspect of our lives and our leadership” (118). He warns, “Warp speed blinds you to the damage you are doing to your soul every time” (129). He adds, “In fact, this tendency to blindly seize more and more opportunities for God has destroyed many a leader whose good intentions lacked a strong foundation in and with God” (135).
Scazzero includes a great discussion on “Practice Sabbath Delight” (143). He suggests a four-part process of Stop, Rest, Delight, and Contemplate (147). Of late, God has led me to read several books that emphasize the importance of resting and practicing a Sabbath. As I work with leaders, I see this as a huge need. Scazzero offers a helpful description of how leaders can regularly take a sabbath and encourage their staff to do so as well.
Scazzero also focuses on decision making. Many of the unhealthy situations leaders get themselves and their organizations into stem from unhealthy decision-making processes. He quotes Reinhold Niebuhr, who defined sin as “the desire to overcome our limitations and finitude because of anxiety about our creaturely existence” (185). Scazzero notes, “Going beyond our limits is one of the most significant challenges and temptations we face as leaders” (186). He adds, “Limits are often God’s gifts in disguise” (205).
Scazzero suggests that a leader’s role is to create “an emotionally healthy culture and [build] a healthy team . . .” (213). He offers this definition of culture: “The sum total of the learned patterns of thought and behavior” (213). He claims that the higher up in the organization leaders go, a greater level of maturity is required (224). He makes several other comments that made me stop and think. He suggests that “Power is the capacity to influence” (242). He purports that “Friendships work best among equal peers with equal power” (263). He also posits that “Managing power and establishing wise boundaries are among the most challenging tasks of leadership” (267).
He made some comments I need to think about further, like this one: “Not every problem can or should be solved or overcome; some things just need to be allowed to die” (270). I am not sure about this statement. A leader’s job is to solve problems. It is not always possible to solve difficult people, but the problem those people create ought to be solved in one way or another. Finally, he states that “Leaders experience more endings and losses than the average person” (270). This statement may well be true. I just had not thought about it that way.
Overall, this was a good read. As I shared earlier, I worried that the author was projecting his own dysfunctional issues onto his readers. But he offers many healthy, insightful solutions that can help every leader who applies them to his or her own circumstances. Much has been written about how leaders can better influence others. This book helps leaders know how to best manage themselves.
Rating: 4
