Walter J. Ciszek, with Daniel L. Flaherty, He Leadeth Me: An Extraordinary Testament of Faith (affiliate link) (New York: Image, 1973), 208 pages.
This book is more than 50 years old, but it remains powerful. It tells the story of a Jesuit priest who felt called to minister in Russia during World War Two and Stalin’s regime. He ended up spending 23 years in captivity, mostly in Siberia. Ciszek touches on many universal issues: Why does God allow evil? Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people? Why does it seem as though God isn’t blessing our efforts when we are working for his kingdom? How can we relate to God so he is pleased to accomplish his purposes through us?
This book was written by a devout Catholic. I found his walk with God to be riveting and his faith—though imperfect—honest and inspiring.
When Ciszek finally returned to America on October 12, 1963, he had been away for 23 years. He had been listed as dead since 1946 (11). Reflecting on that moment, he claimed, “I felt only a simple sense of gratitude to God for having sustained me through those years and, in his providence, bringing me home again at last” (11). He adds, “I never looked on my survival as anything special or extraordinary, but I did give thanks to God for sustaining and preserving me through those years” (12).
Ciszek was an American Jesuit priest. In 1939 he volunteered to serve in Albertyn, Poland. On October 17, 1939, the Red Army occupied the area in its treaty with Nazi Germany (17). The Red Army immediately began to impose hardships on the priests and their parishioners. Ciszek confessed, “I had to force myself not to think of the question that kept returning unbidden to mind: ‘Why has God allowed this evil to happen?’” (19). The Soviets intimidated the parishioners so they would not participate in church. Ciszek asks, “How much heroism could I ask of them? How much did God, who had allowed all of this to happen, expect of these ordinary people of the backwoods of Albertyn?” (19). Ciszek notes, “How easy it is, in times of ease, for us to become dependent on our routines, in the established order of our day-to-day existence, to carry us along” (21). He was disheartened by how difficult it was for him to continue ministering when his routines were overturned.
Ciszek was invited by two priests to travel to the Ural Mountains to minister to the labor brigades being recruited for the factories (24). To the reader, the thought of voluntarily entering Stalin’s Russia seems ludicrous, even suicidal. But Ciszek had dreamed of ministering in Russia for most of his life. He shares that “The moment Makar spoke of going to Russia, my heart leapt. I was so excited, so seized by a deep interior joy, that I had to restrain my emotions in order not to seem foolish. If I let myself go, I thought, I will act silly. I was so elated I could hardly speak. And yet in that very moment of elation and joy, I knew what my answer would be. I had no doubts, no fears, no hesitation. I knew what I was going to do next, what I had wanted all my life . . . It was as if my whole life, in God’s plan, had pointed to this moment” (26). He adds, “I never doubted it was God’s will that I would one day be in Russia” (27).
The next morning brought with it a flood of second thoughts. He recalls wondering, “Had I let my enthusiasm for an old dream run away with my better judgment? Could I be so sure of God’s will? Wasn’t I interpreting the present situation as a ‘sign’ of God’s providence only because I wanted it to be that way? Wasn’t I merely following my own desires and simply calling them God’s will for me?” (28).
This struggle to discern clearly God’s will is a universal predicament. If it seems too good to be true, could it be that we are mistaking our own thinking for God’s will? Does God only call us to places we want to go? Ciszek notes that “This belief, this absolute faith in God’s providence, had sustained me in all difficulties, had carried me through all disappointments” (30). He writes, “I turned to prayer, but my mind was in such turmoil, my intellect so actively involved in weighing pro and con, that I could not hear the voice of God” (30).
Ciszek finally concluded that it was indeed God’s will to go, so he set off with his companions. As he traveled deep into the Soviet Union, Ciszek had some sobering thoughts: “For a moment I thought with sorrow and regret about the possibility of never returning to Europe, to the United States, to Shenandoah. Yet the strong realization rushed over me that I was not cut off from God” (34).
It did not take long for Ciszek to realize that ministry would not be as he had imagined. Having been trained as a Catholic priest, he relied on a certain audience, tools, and resources. But he found that many people had no interest in what he was offering. He confesses to being disappointed that “I had given up so much, sacrificed so much, risked so much in order to bring Christ to them—and would they not even talk to me about such things?” (36).
Ciszek shares how God helped him as he struggled to understand why the ministry he had eagerly undertaken was so difficult: “God granted us the grace to see the solution to our dilemma, the answer to our temptation. It was the grace quite simply to look at our situation from his viewpoint rather than from ours. It was the grace not to judge our efforts by human standards, or by what we ourselves wanted or expected to happen, but rather according to God’s design. It was the grace to understand that our dilemma, our temptation, was of our own making and existed only in our minds; it did not and could not coincide with the real world ordained by God and governed ultimately by his will” (38). He adds, “. . . We had to learn to recognize his will in the reality of the situation and to act accordingly” (39).
Throughout the book, Ciszek is honest about his doubts and struggles. He confesses, “Our dilemma at Teplaya-Gora came from our frustration at not being able to do what we thought the will of God ought to be in this situation, at our inability to work as we thought God would surely want us to work, instead of accepting the situation itself as his will” (40).
On June 22, Nazi Germany invaded the Soviet Union. Ciszek was immediately arrested as a Vatican or German spy (43). Ciszek would end up at the notorious Lubianka prison, where he would spend much of the next five years in solitary confinement. Guards wore cloths around their shoes so prisoners could not hear them passing by (57). He notes that “When you are left alone in silence and solitary confinement with this surging sea of thoughts and memories and fears that is the human mind, you either learn to control and channel it or you can go mad” (55). He notes, “Certainly it was prayer that helped me through every crisis” (58).
At the end of this period, Ciszek suffered one of his most humiliating failures. He was pressured into signing an extensive confessional document. It was not true, but he yielded to the pressure to sign it because his interrogator threatened to have him killed if he did not (69).
Ciszek notes that “My will had failed: I had proved to be nowhere near the man I thought I was” (70). He continues, “In short, I felt guilty and ashamed because in the last analysis I had relied almost completely on myself in this most critical test–and I had failed” (71). Ciszek discovered much about himself through that experience.
Ciszek writes, “It is self that is humiliated; there would be no ‘humiliation’ if we had learned to put self in its place, to see ourselves in proper perspective before God and other men” (73). Ultimately, he realized, “It was not the Church that was on trial in Lubianka. It was not the Soviet government or the NKVD versus Walter Ciszek. It was God versus Walter Ciszek” (74).
Ciszek was sentenced to 15 years of hard labor in Siberia (76). As he sojourned to his exile, he confesses that “Having failed once, I was literally terrified that I might fail completely this time and lose the last thing I still clung to, my faith in God” (77). He adds that “The future seemed hopelessly marked by that one moment of failure” (77).
Then Ciszek had what he later referred to as a “conversion experience.” Thus far in his life and ministry, he had given God the best that he had. From this point onward, he surrendered control of his life to God. He notes, “I can only call it a conversion experience, and I can only tell you frankly that my life was changed from that moment on. . . I knew that I must abandon myself entirely to the will of the Father and live from now on in this spirit of self-abandonment to God” (80).
He writes that “with sudden and almost blinding clarity and simplicity, I realized I had been trying to do something with my own will and intellect that was at once too much and mostly all wrong. God’s will was not hidden somewhere ‘out there’ in the situation in which I found myself; the situations themselves were his will for me. What he wanted was for me to accept these situations as from his hands, to let go of the reins and place myself entirely at his disposal” (81). Ciszek realized that to follow God this way, “It demanded absolute faith: faith in God’s existence, in his providence, in his concern for the minutest detail, in his power to sustain me, and in his love protecting me” (81). Ciszek confessed that “We are afraid to abandon ourselves totally into God’s hands for fear he will not catch us as we fall” (82).
As a result of his decision, Ciszek notes that “I was freed thereby from anxiety and worry, from every tension, and could float serenely upon the tide of God’s sustaining providence in perfect peace of soul” (84).
Yet after every spiritual breakthrough, there seemed to be a new test. Ciszek notes, “But the future was now the present, and as is always the case, it is a lot more unmanageable and full of bustle than it seemed in the abstract” (87).
Ciszek was to live among the most hardened criminals in all the Soviet Union for fifteen years. Priests were disdained by the guards and many of the inmates, which made his life particularly difficult. He notes that “It was the arrogance of evil that made it so frightening” (89). These men were used to using violence and intimidation, such that, even the guards were cautious of them. Ciszek suggests that “A man would have to give up everything that was best in him, descend to the level of animal instinct and passions and hate, in order to compete with these men or respond in kind” (88).
Though now serving in the most difficult place yet, Ciszek had found a new way to serve God. He notes, “For me, each day was a series of moments and incidents to be offered back to God” (93). He began to view his toilsome work as a means of glorifying his Creator. He points out that “Work cannot be a curse if God himself undertook it” (108). He claimed that “I was set here in the midst of the labor camps to work as he might have worked if he had been here, to set the example of work he would set if he were in my place” (109). Though the work was exhausting, Ciszek viewed it as service for his Lord. He observed that, “For my part, I could not help but see in every encounter with every prisoner the will of God for me” (113). This approach to work and life is fascinating, embracing every circumstance in life—both good and difficult—as God’s will for the moment and then assuming that, since it is God’s will, he will grant us the grace to embrace it. Ciszek notes, “It didn’t make getting up in the morning to face another day of rough-wind-whipped work any easier, or the work itself any less exhausting, but it added a dimension of expiation and sacrifice to our lives beyond the sheer necessity of survival and enduring one more day” (118).
Interestingly, Ciszek mentions that there were many Baptist ministers in Siberia. However, they tended to view Catholics in the same light as Communists and steered clear of him (115). Ciszek notes that he would have welcomed their fellowship, but he admired their tenacity and courage.
Ciszek declares, “No evil could touch me, ultimately, as long as God was with me” (120). He adds, “Such things are easy to say when the threat is vague and faith is strong” (120).
Ciszek also came to understand that God’s work is often best accomplished through suffering. He notes that “The wonder of God’s grace transforming worthless human actions into efficient means of spreading the kingdom of God here on earth astounds the mind and humbles it to the utmost, yet brings a peace and joy unknown to those who have never experienced it, unexplainable to those who will not believe” (123). He adds, “It is much easier to see the redemptive role of pain and suffering in God’s plan if you are not actually undergoing pain and suffering” (125).
Ciszek saw the need to encourage other priests, particularly older ones. He notes, “Only a deep renewal of faith in Christ, a renewed vision of how his kingdom is won in this world and a renewed sense of dedication to his will, could dispel the discouragement sometimes felt by these prisoner-priests, frightened because the power of evil and the seeming hopelessness of their cause dawned on them with all its clarity in the camps” (146).
One day Ciszek was rounded up with other men and placed in front of a firing squad. Apparently, there had been a prison break in a neighboring prison. Ciszek notes, “Facing a firing squad is a pretty good test, I guess, of your theology of death” (149). At the last possible second, the soldiers were told not to fire. Ciszek was disconcerted by how he had behaved. He asked, “What was there, then, about this moment that so terrified me, so completely unstrung me and made me incapable of functioning, of praying, even of thinking? Was it just the suddenness, the surprise, that had betrayed me?” (150). Ciszek claims that he was not normally afraid of death, but that his animal instincts had kicked in when he had had no time to prepare himself. He observes, “Death must come to all men at the end of this earthly life, but it is not therefore evil. If the good news of Christianity is anything, it is this: that death has no hidden terror, has no mystery, is not something man must fear” (151).
One day he was notified that he would be released in ten days. They had found information that allowed them to release him after serving 14 years and nine months (158). He had to go to a particular city and report to local police. He notes that “Those who leave the prison camps are not fully free” (160).
Throughout each experience, Ciszek ponders the truths he is learning. Reflecting on his prison years, he concludes, “Even in prison a man retains his free will, his freedom of choice. Even in prison, a man can choose to do good or evil, to fight for survival or to despair, to serve God and others or to turn inward and selfish . . .” (162). He concludes, “For me, however, there could be no doubt; the fullest freedom I had ever known, the greatest sense of security, came from abandoning my will to do only the will of God. What was there to fear so long as I did his will?” (165).
Ciszek began to minister in the city of Novilsk. He realized that the police constantly watched him and that his circumstances could change at any moment. He discovered that “Sooner or later man must learn that this changing and unstable world cannot be the source of his security, of true peace of heart” (175).
That Easter was the most glorious ministry he had ever known. He ministered for 48 straight hours because there were so many people wanting to celebrate Easter with the priest. Ciszek claims, “I knew a joy that day I have rarely known. I felt that at last, in God’s own good providence, I was beginning to live my dream of serving his flock in Russia” (179). All his suffering seemed worthwhile now that he was doing the ministry he felt called to do. But soon after, the police told him to leave the city immediately. After that glorious weekend of ministry, it was over. Once again, Ciszek struggled to understand why God would not protect him from the authorities so he could continue to enjoy a thriving ministry. He worried about what would happen to the people when he was not there to minister to them.
But Ciszek learned that those people belonged to God, not him, and God could raise up someone else to carry on the ministry in that place. He notes that “. . . humility is nothing more or less than knowing our place before God” (180). He concludes, “. . . after all the years of coming gradually to see God’s hand and his providence in the strange and often bitter events I had experienced, why should I now hesitate to imagine or understand that this move, too, was from God?” (184).
Ciszek was sent to Krasnoyarsk. He soon found people looking for a priest, and they had a building in which to meet. His ministry there began to thrive. He notes that “Faith, then, is the fulcrum of our moral and spiritual balance” (193). Soon Ciszerk was made to leave that city as well and was sent to Abakan.
During this period, he conducted his ministry by living among ordinary people, yet he found it to be extremely rewarding. He asks, “Why must we always look for more sophisticated, more meaningful, more relevant answers, when he has set the truth before us in so stark and simple a fashion?” (206).
Ciszek eventually returned to the United States. The book ends somewhat abruptly with his ministry in Abakan. I would have liked to know how he learned he could return home and what that experience was like. He wrote an earlier book in which he may relate those stories. He died in 1984. I was left wondering how he ended his days and what he did once he returned to America (Wikipedia gives some answers!).
I must confess that this biography differs from what I normally read. It is about a Catholic priest who served God while in prison in Stalinist Siberia. There are many ways in which I cannot identify with him. Yet through his experiences, he encounters many of the universal issues people have faced throughout the ages. His life was difficult, yet he lived it with honesty and grace. He does not glamorize the violence or the evil. He is honest about his failings. And he thinks thoughtfully and humbly about his life and what God is teaching him.
Some errors occasionally crop up, like when Ciszek describes all twelve of Jesus’ disciples as fishermen (145). I would have also liked more details about certain aspects of his experiences. I wish I knew more about his family. Who did he leave behind in America? How difficult was it to minister as an unmarried man with no family? Nevertheless, I found this book fascinating. It delves into a part of history with which I am largely unfamiliar. I see a person grappling with evil. And I see someone learning to trust in the providential care and guidance of God, even when doing so leads to the darkest, most difficult circumstances imaginable.
I certainly recommend you read this book!
Rating: 4
