Carey Nieuwhof, Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the Seven Greatest Challenges that No One Expects and Everyone Experiences (affiliate link) (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 2018). 237 pages.
I have reviewed several books by Carey Nieuwhof (Leading Change without Losing It, At Your Best [affiliate links]). All of them are good! In this book, Nieuwhof examines seven conditions everyone will face at some point in their life: cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness. Nieuwhof is a crisp, humorous, insightful, and authentic author. He has a knack for writing memorable one-liners. He also offers much wisdom. While his list doesn’t encompass every challenge people face on their life journey, it offers a helpful look at some of the most common human ailments.
Without distilling everything he says, I’ll highlight a few points that caught my attention. Regarding cynicism, he asks, “How do you go from idealistic to cynical in just a few short years?” (11). He notes, “Cynicism begins not because you don’t care but because you do care” (16). He confesses that knowledge often brings sorrow, as encounters with people inevitably lead to disappointment (17). Interestingly, he notes that as you grow older, you become more of who you already are (21). That idea may be disturbing for some of us!
Nieuwhof includes a chapter explaining a particular problem and then a chapter offering suggestions. I found this structure helpful.
In the section on compromise, he makes the statement, “I can count on one hand the number of times I’m pretty sure I heard from God directly. . . Personally, I think hearing directly from God can be a sign of immaturity more than maturity, meaning God had to intervene in my life supernaturally because I was too dumb or insecure to get the message any other way” (33). I have spoken with Carey about this comment, and I begged to disagree with him! It’s true that some people who proudly declare God told them to order the chicken entrée today or to wear their red blouse seem simply to be trying to parade their superior spirituality. I get that. But Jesus told his disciples that when he left, he would send another counsellor (meaning just like the last one they had) who would guide them into all truth (John 14:6). Jesus said the Holy Spirit would guide the disciples in the same manner he had. And it seems Jesus was pretty free in giving guidance! I would beware of any approach that suggests that the less we depend on God’s guidance, the more spiritually mature we are.
I think what Carey is getting at is that often when we begin walking with Christ, we need some pretty spectacular divine guidance. Moses required a burning bush. Paul had a blinding light. But those radical encounters were only in the beginning. God’s guidance typically became less dramatic as they grew to know him better. God still guided them, just with more subtlety.
Nieuwhof suggests, “Like it or not, character, not competency, determines capacity (39). “Character matters more than anything because you bring who you are into everything you do” (41). He cautions, “Watch for any gap between your words and your deeds” (43). He quotes Blaise Pascal’s famous observation: “The sole cause of man’s unhappiness is that he does not know how to stay quietly in his room” (49). Nieuwhof cites a statistic that people typically hear 200 lies per day (54). He notes, “Of all the lies we tell, the lies we tell to ourselves are the deadliest” (956).
Examining Jesus’ life, he observes, “. . . Jesus prepared for 30 years before ministering for three. Think about that; His preparation to implementation ratio was 10:1” (51). He notes, “Competency will get you in the room. Character keeps you in the room” (60).
In addressing disconnection, he observes, “Nothing feels quite as strange as people treating you as poorly as you regularly treat them” (64). He comments, “In essence, technology is like money: it makes a terrible master but a wonderful servant” (66). He warns of current societal trends: “We have started assuming other people are infinitely interested in our lives” (72). He also notes, “Love has a speed. And it’s slower than I am” (84).
In discussing irrelevance, Nieuwhof notes, “Irrelevance happens when the language, methods, or styles you use no longer connect to the culture and people around you. Essentially, you end up speaking a language people no longer understand or appreciate” (91). He makes an interesting observation that people typically develop their musical preferences between the ages of 16 and 24 (92). We generally stick to those tastes for the rest of our lives. He notes, “Unchecked, most of us live in the decade where a lot of our tastes, knowledge, and experiences were shaped” (93). He warns, “The older you get, the harder it is to change” (98). Only when the pain of remaining the same becomes too great are many people finally ready to change (100). He also notes that success tends to make people more conservative (104). He cautions, “People who don’t understand today’s culture will never be able to speak into it” (107). Yet he does offer hope: “Growing older does not necessarily mean growing irrelevant” (109).
Nieuwhof also addresses pride. He notes that “Pride at its heart is an obsession with self” (117). He observes that “One sign of humble people is the ability to attract and keep people more gifted and competent than themselves for the sake of their team or cause” (122). He cautions, “The only person your pride impresses is you” (126). He advises that pride is like a weed, while humility is like your lawn (137). Pride can creep up anywhere, even when unwanted. Humility, on the other hand, must be cultivated and tended.
Nieuwhof makes some interesting observations about burnout, because he has suffered from it himself. He offeres this advice to someone going through a difficult time: “If God wants to go deep, it’s because he wants to take you far” (168). He advises, “. . . obedience is greater than my emotions. Eventually your emotions catch up to your obedience” (159).
Finally, concerning emptiness, he notes, “There is no end to the sad discontent of making you the mission of your life” (190). He continues, “Money isn’t the mission. Money funds the mission” (192). He suggests, “The alternative to living for yourself is dying to yourself” (194). He adds, “. . . When you die to yourself, something greater rises” (195). He suggests, “When you regularly do what you were created to do, the likelihood of growing cynical, disconnected, proud, or irrelevant diminishes” (200). Finally, he observes, “Ironically, leaders who know their limits often operate much closer to their potential than leaders who have no idea where their limits are” (201).
Like all Nieuwhof’s work, I found much in this book to chew on. He addresses practical, real issues that everyone faces, not just leaders. I appreciate his candor. He offers practical advice. His writing is certainly Christian, but not heavily laced with scripture and quotes from saints. I got the impression that he was writing to a broader audience and offering wise counsel to those who might not identify as Christians. I commend him for his effort.
I have listened to a number of Nieuwhof’s podcast episodes. He is a great interviewer, and he brings out many interesting insights. If you are not familiar with him, I encourage you to pick up his book and listen to his popular podcast. You will find much to ponder as a result.
Rating: 3
